I mentioned early on that I recognize there are hurdles, and we're going to achieve those hurdles. [Jan 22, 2003]

George W. Bush

Well, Dubya, I know what you were trying to say, even if others were completely flummoxed!

Joana, the Arquitecta, called to say that The Conservatory had bounced her submission showing the property divided into 4 distinct plots. They advised her that only a drawing with 5 plots, as shown in their original documents, would be acceptable.

The latest submission showing
FIVE distinct plots.

No big problem these days when everything is computerised. Flash up the computer and produce the same CAD diagram, but this time carved up into 5 distinct plots. That should take care of things. But can one be sure? Nothing, but nothing, seems to have gone smoothly with this venture.

Meanwhile, we have had more discussions with Joana about how she intends to draw up the plans for the next stage. There are little gotcha's gotcha: -jargon

A feature of something that tends to breed mistakes because it is both enticingly easy to invoke and whose outcome is completely unexpected.

that have to be considered. Like not showing a door or doors leading from one property to the other, despite the fact that we intend to knock together the first two and turn the middle one into an outdoor corridor-patio patio -noun

1. an area, usually paved, adjoining a house and used as an area for outdoor lounging, dining, etc.

2. a courtyard, esp. of a house, enclosed by low buildings or walls.

. We will leave this stage of the planning entirely in her hands. When the plans are accepted by the bureaucrats we shall go ahead and task the builder with knocking things together the way we want it.

Later - much later - we will submit plans showing the houses joined together and request their permission to go ahead with the build (that has already taken place). I am assured that getting them to accept the property as fewer than 5 distinct plots is fine after we have occupied the property; that they will then accept our submission and draw up new plans for their archives to reflect the changed status. Oh, really?

This should send the taxman and the electricity, water and sewage companies into paroxysms of ecstasy!

I ought to open a 'book' make book: -idiom

1. to accept or place the bets of others, as on horse races.

2. to wager; to bet.

with long odds, but I know instinctively that there isn't anybody 'sucker' enough to take my bet ...

Evaluate what you want, because what gets measured, gets produced.

James A. Belasco

Time for a bit of introspective assessment. Time for inventory, to itemise, to take stock! We needed to calmly assess the 'Pros' and 'Cons' before rushing a decision.

Pro's

  The look (will be retained, 'as-is')
  Location (self-contained and by the river)
  Buying whole street
  Five houses (one or two will be combined)
  Half an acre of 'Garden' (this is not a plus!)
  Water & electric already hooked up
  Price (preliminary talks indicate 'affordability')

---

Con's

  Condition of property (pretty run-down)
  Cost of restoration (roofs and toilets essential)
  Sewage & drainage need to be connected
  Cesspits need to be filled in
  Occupied by sitting-tenants (for how long?)
  Isolated (the flip side to being 'self-contained')

This was a quick assessment. Not a long list. We knew more would be added as time marched on, but would they be 'tics', 'tacs' or 'toes'?

Some sensitive sleuthing established that only two of the three 'occupied' residences actually were. One old fella had been forcibly removed by his family to live with his son in the local village, and it didn't appear that he would be returning. He had reached the stage where he was incapable of looking after himself. That left the two houses in the middle. The one that adjoined the larger end house (the one I initially thought was the one we would be buying) was occupied by a 90-year-old lady in obscenely good health. The other, the one that was a roofed-over converted passageway between two houses, was occupied by another old couple.

It transpired that the couple had a son who also lived in the local village. He immediately became a PITA when the whispers reached him that we were interested in the property. He took an aggresive stance, proclaiming that he would be enquiring with the local council as to whether his parents would be evicted from their HOME; that it would be grossly unfair; that if anybody had a right to the house it should be he! Of course I took all this as a lot of 'hot air', but it was nevertheless unwelcome as we had absolutely no intention of evicting anyone. Much to our surprise the geezer slang:
The English Dialect Dictionary defines geezer as, "a queer character, a strangely-acting person"

It probably equates loosely to today's 'dude'

followed through on his 'threat' and approached the local council to ask about the best way he should go about acquiring the property "... for his parents."

Much to his (and OUR) surprise the council informed him that they didn't actually have a record of the property he was enquiring about, which meant they couldn't proceed with his request! On further reflection we concluded that the council was probably right, even though all the other service providers recognised the 'address'. It was, after all, a passageway that had had a roof stuck over it and a doorway built into the front facade to turn it into a 'house'.

Fortunately, that was the end of his limited attempt at tilting at windmills (and he isn't even Spanish!), but the ball had now bounced firmly back into Maria's court. She would have to do some detailed digging in company records to establish exactly what was real, and what was an apparition.

Discarded Shakespeare and took up Agatha Christie and the Belgian waxed moustache. This mystery was more up his street, "N'est-ce pas?"

Curiouser and curiouser ...

You gotta have a dream. If you don't have a dream, how you gonna make a dream come true?

Oscar Hammerstein II

We eventually managed to arrange a trip up north about ten days later, not because we didn't want to go earlier, but because other matters colluded to keep us from taking the "Magical Mystery Tour" of the site that Maria had discovered.

Our arrival, although designed to be as low-key as possible, was still an event for the residents. A whole contingent of gabbling old women (and a few toothless old men) took every opportunity to welcome 'Donna Maria' into the fold. The word had got out that we were showing an interest in one of the houses, and they were going to make damn sure that Maria was not given the slightest impression that she was anything but welcome! As far as they were concerned they were going to get their very own 'representative', at the high court of the company, living amongst them. It appeared that I too was accepted, as her 'consort', and the fact that I hadn't even seen the property, that we hadn't made a decision, that it was probably unlikely that we would be as charmed with the reality as we were with the picture-postcard view hadn't crossed their minds. And why should it? Simple folk; delightful people!

My first impression of the house was to wonder if Maria had 'blown a gasket'! It was pretty obviously run-down; I'd seen that from the pics. But I wasn't prepared for how small the house was. It was tiny, and I mean TINY! Four little rooms and no bathroom and toilet. WTF. Depression set in fast. So fast that I didn't even think of bringing up the subject of price. Why should I? This was a no-brainer. NO SALE!

Maria still had a surprise up her sleeve. She informed me that even though the house we were looking over was pretty darn small, there was scope to increase our living space when we knocked down a few internal walls and combined the space gained from the other FOUR houses. Come again? Yes, we were not just going after the house on the right, we were going for all five. The WHOLE STREET!

One just has to take a step back and reassess the situation when faced with news like that. And the panorama above is more or less what I saw. Suddenly things did not look so bleak. Yes, there was plenty of potential there. And the little ones on the left, probably the original cowshed and pigsty, could also be adapted into something liveable.

As the song says, "You gotta have a dream."

Our 'Dream' was rekindled ...